Dear Diary,
It's another day of snow and frigid cold here.
But somehow, I feel a warmth inside me—an unexpected, to say the least, uncontrollable fire expanding rapidly inside my veins, like the fever taking over your body, making you shiver and racing your heartbeat. I swear I can hear mine beating loudly into my ears, making me almost dizzy.
Today, I met him.
I am at the schoolyard, wrapped in many layers of clothing, watching over the kids.
To be very honest, I can hardly see. You see,there is this intense snowstorm, and I can barely hold my eyes open. The snow on my eyelashes makes it difficult to see clearly.
The kiddos are happiest in this weather, though. They run and scream, full of excitement, while playing snow war. A big smile draws across my face as I see their joy warming up this cold scenery.
We have a little bit more time of outside fun, and we go inside for some warm soup.
Today, we expect a new family to come over with their kid to meet and get to know our little nursery.
The manager is in the house today, ready to greet the new family and give them a tour.
I lift my sleeve to watch the time:11.25. They shall be here within the next five to ten minutes, so I try to keep an eye on the gate while watching the children, too.
I pull my scarf up to the top of my nose to feel some warmth. It's January, so the cold is pretty piercing this time of year. I sigh loudly, thinking warmer days will be with us soon.
As I turned over, I saw a man with his kid at the gate waving at me. "Ah, thank God," I thought and started to walk towards them.
As I approach, I put my hand into my pocket to take out the gate key. "Good morning," I say happily as I open the gate for them.
"Good morning to you, too!" he replies.
I let them in but didn't make eye contact with them. I don't make eye contact with anyone, to be honest. I feel that this is one of my ADHD symptoms—not being able to hold eye contact—or can it just be my character shying away from people? I will never know.
As we walk across the yard next to each other, I try to break the awkwardness spreading in the air by making small talk about the, well, what else? The weather, of course. "What dreadful weather today, isn't it?" I joke while I let a short laugh out( more like a choke, really, as if something has stacked in my throat, and I try to cough it out).
"Oh yes! We barely managed to unbury our car out of this pile of snow to come here," he jokes.
His 1.5-year-old little girl had been walking between us all this time. She suddenly reached out to my hand and held it tight while holding her father's hand with her other hand.
Her father lets a surprising laugh out of him and shakes his head, commenting:" Wow, she just met you, and she already holds hands with a stranger!"
I laugh nervously.
I could see the manager approaching us, so I said to him," Well, it was nice meeting you. I'll now pass you over to our manager, who will explain anything you need to know!" Then I left, going to keep watching my kids.
After a while, he returns to the yard with his little one and lets her play with the other kids.
I'm on the other side of the yard, so I cannot see him. He is tall, and he has a nice figure.
He is dressed in black, and you can only see his blond front hair coming out of his beanie, falling just above his eyes.
His face is almost entirely covered with a scarf up to his eyes.
I turn around and start walking around, ensuring that the kiddos are well.
The wind is getting stronger by the hour, and I can feel the cold ground under my feet.
"Brrr" Hopefully, I won't get a cold after this day.
I now see him by the sandbox. He is surrounded by curious little kids who want to meet our new visitors. They bombard him with many questions, and he is genuinely happy to answer all of them. A big smile is starting to grow across my face. "He's good with the kids," I think, turning my sight elsewhere so he won't notice that I stare at him.
I lift my sleeve once more to watch the time, and as I'm about to start one more lap around the yard, there he is, surprisingly close to my face, kind of invading my personal space.
His big blue eyes are looking at mine, all curious, and he goes," I'm Stan, by the way, and that's my little one over there, Sky, who's going to be starting here next week!"
At first I felt a bit annoyed and very surprised. How on earth did he manage to get to where I was so quickly and, well, so close to me? I am definitely not used to having this kind of talk with someone so close to my face.
I took a clumsy step back and replied," I'm Sophia. It's good to hear that you will be starting here." I said as awkward-less as I could.
From up close, it is only his eyes I see—those very blue round eyes. His eyes are playfully lively, with a spark on them and under it a fire, a slow-burning fire. I can't help but get drawn into his gaze. This fire draws me in like a firefly is drawn into the light, knowing perfectly well that it doesn't stand a single chance of surviving yet still helplessly getting loose into it.
I feel my heart beating in my ears, and I'm just getting lost inside his eyes.
I know nothing about this person, just his name. His voice seems somehow to be the best sound I have ever heard.
"Well, it's nice to meet you, Sophia" he says and starts walking back to his daughter.
I never replied to him. I'm just standing frozen. My feet are glued to the ground, and I suddenly remember to take a breath in. Apparently, I forgot how to breathe around him.
I forcefully shake my head in refusal.
No, I must stop it. What the heck am I thinking?! I'm out of my goddamn mind! He is a father, and his daughter is going to be my student. No, that's a firm no.
As I gather my kids around to get them back inside, I keep repeating in my mind that I must not think about him.
But it's late already. It has taken me like a hurricane and shifted me off my feet.
"Oh, I'm screwed, I'm so screwed." I'm thinking, not knowing what I'm walking into.
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